All of us can recall a moment in our lives when we went through a traumatic event that left a wound, and a long-lasting impression before we could accept what happened, and move on.
Think of losing a loved one such as a family member, a friend, or a pet.
That’s why healing is a process and not an event. Today, I will explain the different steps to healing that can be distinguished from one another.
Why is healing a process and not an event?
Emotional healing is a process since it takes a lot of time and effort before we can get over our painful, and sometimes traumatic experiences. When we’re hurt, or facing a heartfelt loss, we typically go through the stages of grieving.
That’s precisely why recovery is not a singular event. We must take a multitude of steps to get better. And oftentimes, this can take weeks, months, or even years.
For some, the reality is that healing is a lifelong process that never ends if that traumatic condition is severe enough. Think of situations such as the loss of a child or a loving partner. That’s especially true if the circumstances were considered unfair and unjustified.
Steps to healing
There are typically 5 steps to healing, although some authors propose some additional steps.
- Grief and denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Grief and denial
Grief and denial are the result of severe emotional pain. A broken heart is typically most earnest when we’re faced with the rejection or abandonment of someone we hold dear to our hearts.
We might be so shocked by this painful occasion that we try to deny that it ever took place to reduce the negative impact on our mental state.
Thus, denial can be considered a normal defense mechanism that humans employ to protect their sanity. “This can not possibly be happening to me” is a common example of denial in action.
Anger
Anger usually starts after the reality starts to settle in, which is typically after the grief and denial have taken place.
“Why me?” And, “It’s not fair!” These are all typically said during this phase. Separated couples or people who recently divorced regularly display their repressed anger over their recently destroyed relationship because they feel like they’ve lost everything they ever worked for.
Bargaining
When people start noticing that things might be damaged irreversibly without any hope of fixing these issues, is when they usually start bargaining with reality.
They might say things such as, “I will be good if my previous choice gets reversed.”
Depression
Depression is when the true depth of what happened starts sinking in. And it’s at this point that we hit our deepest point of sorrow.
We start to believe that there’s nothing we can do to reduce our suffering, or to improve our situation. In extreme cases, we might even lose our sense of self-worth.
People regularly withdraw and isolate themselves from those around them since they feel too exhausted, and like they’re useless to their friends and family.
Unfortunately, this continued withdrawal of our loved ones ends up making them feel even worse and deteriorates their mental health even more.
Acceptance
The road toward acceptance is not a happy path, nor is it an easy one.
It means making amends with all that we’ve lost while accepting our fate and being happy with what’s left.
However, with acceptance comes hope for a better future. And we can look ahead to creating beautiful moments that we can enjoy once more.
Unfortunately, not everyone reaches the point of acceptance. It’s possible to get stuck in a previous stage without ever progressing towards acceptance, or regressing to a previous phase.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
How do you know you’re healing from trauma?
- You have accepted that you went through a traumatic experience or period.
- You allow and even seek out the aid of others.
- You start taking care of your mental and physical health again.
- You analyze what happened and become introspective to figure out what you can do differently next time.
- You know you’re not the only one going through difficult times.
- You are hopeful for a better future.
What is the first step in the emotional healing process?
How long does it take to heal emotionally?
How long it takes to heal emotionally from trauma is not set in stone.
Some folks recover quicker than others, and it’s also dependent on how severely you have ached in the first place.
It can take days, weeks, months, or even years to heal from emotional trauma. Not to mention that there are instances where some never fully recover from their negative experiences, and thus never come to full acceptance of their new livelihood.
Does healing involve crying?
Is it better to cry or to hold it in?
This way, you don’t inhibit your feelings for too long while still having some sort of control over them.
Does crying reset your emotions?
Crying does not necessarily reset your emotions, but can help reduce tension by releasing pent-up feelings. Thus, improving our mood in the process.
Weeping releases stress hormones that lower the amount of tension we experience. This helps us to feel and do better while improving our sleep at the same time.
Can all emotional trauma be healed?
Why is healing so painful?
Healing is so painful because it is a long-winded process and not a singular event.
This long timeframe coupled with hard work, the negative emotions typically attached to pain, and things we have to let go of can make rehab from our wounds overwhelming to some.
Yet, the more you heal from your trauma, the stronger you’ll become through these new experiences that you wouldn’t have undergone otherwise.
Final note
Healing our emotional wounds takes a long time, and sometimes even a whole lifetime, without ever fully coming to terms with what happened.
Yet, it’s in our own best interest, and in that of all those around us, to face our issues and solve them instead of pushing our concerns away.
That might work for a while but will cause even more problems later on in life. That’s because repressed feelings will inevitably resurface at a later date with increased frequency and intensity.